Sunday, March 25, 2007

Back to the History of Private Life




MONDAY, MARCH 5, 2007

Point-Counter Point to the Questions Presented by Gilder Lehrman in his seminal work “Back to the History of Private Life” (excerpts)

Comments brought to you by the LA Herald Examiner & CMD. Peter S. Berg in bold interspersed in text.

The Modern Family

Does a father have the right to give his children his last name even if his wife objects? As long as he has an obligation to pay child support, hell yes!

Can an expectant mother obtain an abortion without her husband's permission? She will anyway! Should a teenager, unhappy with her parents' restrictions on her smoking, dating, and choice of friends, be allowed to have herself placed in a foster home? Some parents get all the luck!

Should a childless couple be permitted to hire a "surrogate mother" who will be artificially inseminated and carry a child to delivery? Only if we get finder’s fee, and if only PHP Patrolmen are called upon to contribute politically-incorrect sperm. Seriously, that childless couple should consider adopting a pre-manufactured child.

In 1960, over 70 percent of all American households were like the Cleavers: made up of a breadwinner father, a homemaker mother, and their kids. We believe the Cleavers were all Russian Communist Spies as well as closet cross-gender pubic hair abusers.

Today, "traditional" families with a working husband, an unemployed wife, and one or more children make up less than 15 percent of the nation's households. The end of free-floating. Got to love the equal right for women, it's about time they pay their own way!

Today's television families run the gamut from two-career families to two single mothers and their children and an unmarried couples who cohabited in the same house. And all of them still are (and portrayed like) idiots and possibly Chinese spies, and genetic pool pollutants (GPP).

Profound changes have reshaped American family life in recent years. In a decade, divorce rates doubled-a triumph of common sense over stupid "hope"!

The number of unmarried couples living together has quadrupled since 1970. We proudly support and enthusiastically contribute to this trend--no one needs a contract with the state to provide for one's ex (male or female)--it's like buying choice oats for a dead horse!

What accounts for these upheavals in family life? Marriage is a really stupid idea, unless you are a wedding planner or a divorce attorney--why milk the cow...?Further, it is statistically bad for mens physical, emotional and financial well being.

Today, over 80 percent of all women say that they were not virgins when they married, compared to less than a 20 percent a generation ago. Which simply means that 80% of the women today are being honest compared with only 20% whatever the hell they are talking about! Further, virginity itself is just an opinion.

Extramarital sex has also increased sharply. Back in the 1940s, just eight percent of married women under the age of 25 had committed adultery. Yeah, right, I’m sure--the nature of the beast never changes, just its manifestations.

Today the estimated figure is 24 percent. Getting closer, but still a lie! Meanwhile, the proportion of children born to unmarried mothers has climbed from just five percent in 1960 to over twenty percent today; trend supported and promoted by the Association of DNA Testing Laboratories.

In 1960, the birth control pill was introduced, offering a highly effective method of contraception, in addition to tried & proven method of oral contraception (just say NO!)

Sexually-oriented magazines began to display pubic hair--Praise the Lord!

In fact, the relegation of pubic hair to the dark and forbidden zones of institutional prejudice was the first true holocaust of man!

A new era of public sexuality was ushered in and as a result it became far easier and more acceptable to have an active social life and sex life outside of marriage.

Sex found its redeeming social value in 1962, when Illinois became the first state to decriminalize all forms of private sexual conduct between consenting adults.

We need to move our headquarters to Illinois immediately!

These legal decisions, to a large extent, took government out of the business of regulating private sexual behavior and defining the sexual norms according to which citizens were supposed to live. And not a breath of pubic hair too soon either!

As wives have assumed a larger role in their family's financial support, they have felt justified in demanding that husbands perform more child care and housework. Forget it, sister! Next thing they will be asking for husbands to help with slaughter of innocent pubic hairs!

At the same time, fewer children have a full-time mother and as a result an increasing number of young children are cared for during the day by adults other than their own parent--creating fertile ground for child predators--thank you, feminism.

The women's liberation movement attacked the societal expectation that women defer to the needs of spouses and children as part of their roles as wives and mothers--forcing men to wear un-bifurcated garments.

Militant feminist activists like Ti-Grace Atkinson denounced marriage as "slavery" and "legalized rape." The larger mainstream of the women's movement articulated a powerful critique of the idea that child care and housework were the apex of a woman's accomplishments or her sole means of fulfillment. And they make it sound like it is not their apex & sole means of fulfillment!?

As a result of feminism, a substantial majority of women now believe that both husband and wife should have jobs, do housework, and take care of children. Amen, the truth will set them free!

Both liberals and conservatives have offered their own proposals about how the American family can best be strengthened. This on-going "strengthening" has probably resulted in a recent decapitation and dismemberment of Tara Lynn Grant in Michigan by her husband Steve, who was upset with constant trips to her job in Puerto Rico.

They sought to restrict access to abortion, dickheads, block ratification of the proposed Equal Rights Amendment to the Constitution, restrict eroticism on television, not my TV!, and limit teenagers' access to contraceptive information.

We will provide girls of legal age (cute only) with all the information they need, both boring and deviant, as, yet another public service by the PHP.

Without a doubt, the family will remain one of the hottest political issues in the years to come, but right after Indian gambling, that is so much fun for entire family; lucrative for the state; provides jobs for prostitutes, drug dealers and corrupt politicians. (90% of corrupt politicians give the remaining 10% a bad rap)

Yadda Yadda Yadda! (Birdie)

Oh, yea, family issues might have to wait for the resolution of A.N. Smith mystery.


We patrol, you decide!


CMDR. Peter S. Berg.

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