Friday, November 4, 2011


A New Jersey cook has been sentenced to 15 days in jail and two years probation after he put his chest and pubic hair into a sandwich to get back at a cop.

The author of the new pubic hair receipe
Ryan Burke, 27, pleaded guilty Oct. 12 to aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer and retaliation for a past official action.

Court heard on Feb. 21, 2010, two police officers walked into a restaurant for a meal break. Burke was working and told Evesham Township Police he recognized one of the officers. Burke had refused to stop for the officer for a traffic violation in March 2009, which resulted in charges.

On the day the officers walked into the restaurant, Burke admitted he "ripped a quantity of chest and pubic hair from his body and placed them in the sandwich he had prepared for the officer."

The officer ate part of the sandwich before discovering the hair.  Burke was sentenced on October 14 police said in a release on Wednesday. He will serve his time on weekends.

One can argue that Mr. Burke acted like a common hooligan.
The receipient of the new pubic hair receipe

On the other hand. he could be increasing nutritional value of Wendy's  sandwich, or just competing to become America's nex Iron Chef.

Your thoughts?

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Gun & Pubic Hair Patrol training bars Muslims and Obama voters

A radio ad for a handgun training and Pubic Hair Patrol class that bars Muslims and Obama voters has sparked an investigation in Texas.

"We will attempt to teach you all the necessary information you need to obtain your [Concealed Handgun License]," the ad says. Then towards the end, it adds: "If you are a socialist liberal and/or voted for the current campaigner in chief, please do not take this class. You have already proven that you cannot make a knowledgeable and prudent decision under the law."

And then: "If you are a non-Christian Arab or Muslim, I will not teach you the class with no shame; I am Crockett Keller, thank you, and God bless America."

For his achievements in denying training for Muslims and Obama voters, Mr. Keller was just promoted from PHP Cadet-Candidate to the rank of PHP Master-Sergeant, therefore skipping 3 ranks.

The ad ran for six days on KHLB, Mason's local station. It's also been heard tens of thousands of times on Youtube.

PHP Master-Sergeant Crockett Keller, 65, has said in media interviews that he just regards the message as just common sense. "The fact is, if you are a devout Muslim, then you cannot be a true American; or a true American Pubic Hair Defender " he told local news station KVUE, while fielding calls congratulating him for his stance. "Why should I arm these people to kill me during pubic hair patrols? That's a pubic hair suicide."

"I call it exercising my right to choose who I instruct in how to use a dangerous weapon and pubic hair patroling techniques," he added.

But the state of Texas may disagree. The Department of Public Safety said in a statement that certified instructors of handgun training are required to comply with all applicable state and federal laws, and added: "Conduct by an instructor that denied service to individuals on the basis of race, ethnicity or religion would place that instructor's certification by the Department at risk of suspension or revocation." The department has said it has begun an investigation.

The Pubic Hair Patrol vociferoiusly disagrees with the state of Texas and supports the Master-Sergeants' right to refuse service to any one seeking Pubic Hair Patrol training and certification.

It seems unlikely that honorable PHP  Master-Sergeant Keller will back down, though. "I'm not going to do it," he told the local news. "I will give up my license to teach before I will teach them," he said, referring to Obama voters and Muslims.

We can only say, "God Bless America and  Master-Sergeant Crockett Keller for which it stands"

Monday, October 24, 2011

President Obama to join The Pubic Hair Patrol!

It appears that president Obama for years has been involved in amateur pubic hair patrolling during his 6-year-old (up to 2010) affair with Vera Baker.
A confidential investigation by Enquirer in 2010 has learned that Obama first became close to gorgeous 35 year-old Vera Baker in 2004 when she worked tirelessly to get him elected to the US Senate, raising millions in campaign contributions.

While Baker has insisted in the past that “nothing happened” between them, the Enquirer has learned that top anti-Obama operatives are offering more than $1 million to witnesses to reveal what they know about the alleged hush-hush affair.

The Enquirer is also promising hotel surveillance footage that could prove that Obama and Baker entered and left the hotel at the same time to coincide with the up-coming elections.

In a true Democratic fashion President Obama has also patrolled the pubic hair of one Larry Sinclair while engaging in drugs and oral sex (click here to watch the clip).

I jilted lover, Larry Sinclair has publicly accused Mr. Obama of involvement in the death of Obama former gay lover Donald Young.

It is widely believed that patrolling of Mrs. Obama’s pubic hair has been delegated to members of the Secret Service. The US Secret Service has neither denied not confirmed this information!?

Having patrolled respective pubic hairs of a black man, white man, and a black woman President Obama has confirmed his reputation as a Pubic Hair "uniter", and as an equal opportunity Pubic Hair Explorer.

We were unable to confirm if President Obama holds regular "pubic shave" parties at the White House, but are willing to caution President Obama that people with curly hair shouldn’t shave too much, you’d get those annoying little ingrown hairs that could turn into some hideous growth that requires a trip to the operating room.

We, for one, are overjoyed by President Obama achievements in the field and are bestowing a rank of PHP Honorary Patrolman on Mr. Obama.

We gripe, you decide!

Thursday, April 5, 2007

Patrolman falsely accused...

...of swiping 1,500 women's undies from apartment laundry rooms in Pullman, Washington.

Vicious rumor, being spread by AP wire service, claims that PTRL. Garth M Flaherty 24, took as many as 1,500 undergarments from apartment complex laundry rooms before he was arrested and unjustly jailed on 13 counts of burglary and theft charges.

Patrolman Flaherty, allegedly, was seen taking underwear from two laundry rooms Saturday, a "witness" recorded his license number, and Flaherty was identified from photographs by the same "witness".

Under the auspices of "holding the underwear as evidence until the case is resolved" police is holding (probably in unsanitary conditions) thousands of pubic hairs hostage, just like the Iranians are illegally holding British sailors and marines.

In reality, PTRL. Flaherty was patrolling laundry rooms to rescue abundantly abandoned pubic hairs in hopes of reuniting them with their rightful owners--no good deed goes unpunished!?

Where is the UN, US Government and Pres. Bush when they are sorely needed!?

We patrol, you decide.

CMDR. Peter S. Berg.

Thursday, March 29, 2007

Cruelty to 77 sheep...

From Times Wire Report, March 29, 2007.

Dawid Watts, 47, is being held at the Wake County (North Carolina) Jail in lieu of $12,000 bail after being charged with animal cruelty to 77 sheep he kept in his home in Apex.

Thirty of the sheep were euthanized because of various "health problems". The only detail leaked to the press was that most sheep had their pubic hair braided, trimmed, shaved, or waxed.

Veterinarian, who examined the flock said some of the sheep's hoofs had never been trimmed, causing infections that led poor sheep to walk on their knees!?

A judge denied a request by Watts' lawyer to release him pending trial as the DA decides if his relationship with the flock was conceptual or consensual.

While Mrs. Watts remains silent on the issue, all sheep flocks and their caretakers in the area were alerted by the county Sheriff.

We patrol, you decide!

CMDR. Peter S. Berg.