President Obama to join The Pubic Hair Patrol!

It appears that president Obama for years has been involved in amateur pubic hair patrolling during his 6-year-old (up to 2010) affair with Vera Baker.

A confidential investigation by Enquirer in 2010 has learned that Obama first became close to gorgeous 35 year-old Vera Baker in 2004 when she worked tirelessly to get him elected to the US Senate, raising millions in campaign contributions.

While Baker has insisted in the past that “nothing happened” between them, the Enquirer has learned that top anti-Obama operatives are offering more than $1 million to witnesses to reveal what they know about the alleged hush-hush affair.

The Enquirer is also promising hotel surveillance footage that could prove that Obama and Baker entered and left the hotel at the same time to coincide with the up-coming elections.

In a true Democratic fashion President Obama has also patrolled the pubic hair of one Larry Sinclair while engaging in drugs and oral sex (click here to watch the clip).

I jilted lover, Larry Sinclair has publicly accused Mr. Obama of involvement in the death of Obama former gay lover Donald Young.

It is widely believed that patrolling of Mrs. Obama’s pubic hair has been delegated to members of the Secret Service. The US Secret Service has neither denied not confirmed this information!?

Having patrolled respective pubic hairs of a black man, white man, and a black woman President Obama has confirmed his reputation as a Pubic Hair "uniter", and as an equal opportunity Pubic Hair Explorer.

We were unable to confirm if President Obama holds regular "pubic shave" parties at the White House, but are willing to caution President Obama that people with curly hair shouldn’t shave too much, you’d get those annoying little ingrown hairs that could turn into some hideous growth that requires a trip to the operating room.

We, for one, are overjoyed by President Obama achievements in the field and are bestowing a rank of PHP Honorary Patrolman on Mr. Obama.

We gripe, you decide!